


Luna's Fates

by CuscusJones



Category: Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Animagus, Animal Transformation, Bureaucracy, Divination, Draco is a bad influence, Draco is humourous, Entrepreneurial, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friendly banter, Ginny has a free pass, Ginny has many free passes, Hall of Prophecy, Long-Distance Relationship, Luna doesn't find that abnormal, Luna's boyfriend is a god, Luna's dress sense, Luna's lovelife is not normal, Older Man/Younger Woman, Part-time lover, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Ridiculous Department names, Ron's appetite, Seer, Talented children, The Fates - Freeform, Transfiguration (Harry Potter), not getting married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23747407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuscusJones/pseuds/CuscusJones
Summary: Luna's never going to have a normal boyfriend nor is she going to raise normal kids. Plus the Hall of Prophecy gets fixed. Everyone is friends.** N.B. I've rated this for teens - it does not contain anything sexually explicit, but I have mentioned bull bollocks and a golden shower, not in a sexy context. Hopefully that is warning enough?
Relationships: Lavender Brown/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Zeus (implied)
Kudos: 3





	Luna's Fates

**-1-**

“That is a load of bull.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Draco! That is the worst pu-”

“Whuzzat mean?” asked Ron polishing off his third butterbeer, talking over Hermione.

“It’s a muggle phrase that means something is outrageously untrue,” explained Draco, leaning into the group on his elbows, “but you’ll find that Hermione is exasperated by my deliberate low scoring on the pun front.”

Luna sighed and continued tugging invisible things from her hair, fixing said invisible things with a little huffy stare and placing them on her plate where carrot cake crumbs were steadily disappearing into little invisible mouths.

“Come on Lulu, back to the story. So this bloke can transfigure into several forms you say,” said Draco lightly. He  _ was  _ teasing, but Luna was now a really good friend and there was no malice on his part.

“And no Animagus in history takes more than one form,” chimed Ron, “yet we dunno who this bloke is.”

“I know it sounds odd and I know where that’s going, Ron,” Luna said without looking at any one of them. Instead she pushed some crumbs into a tiny pile where the invisible things started laying them out to make a smiley face. “You’re saying that someone so talented and good looking could never have escaped the notice of Rita Skeeter and someone like him would’ve replaced you as Front Page Boy by now.”

“Tell me again what he looks like,” Hermione was as amused as the other two, but you could be assured that there was always a serious fact finding mission going on inside her head despite.

Luna looked at each of them in turn as she relayed the details, “Ageless… well, like it’s not fixed. Like he can seem quite old, but then quite young, then both at once. Like my eyes are playing tricks on me. White hair, very curly, gorgeous…” she sighed, “Golden shimmery skin. Well olive, tanned really. I dunno why it glints like gold in the sun. Built like… mmmm… better than Krum. Like serious definition… smooth and usually oiled.”

Ron made a little choking noise of jealousy. He was pretty well defined, but waxing and oiling did not work with his lily white, freckled body.

“Show me your bangle again?”

Luna took off the latest gift and handed it to a decidedly investigative Hermione. It was a deep yellow gold and heavy, but immaculate workmanship on the scenes. There were lithe ladies with their hair in up-do’s, finely gathered long gowns dancing in a forest, young men crowned with curls, their short tunics barely covering their muscled bodies, a little figure reclining on a log who had horns and goat legs and each scene encapsulated in a maze pattern border.

“And his name is Theophile?”

Luna nodded, eyes going dreamy again.

“And the first time you met, he showed up as a bull, you put a daisy chain around his neck because he looked friendly and then you felt compelled to get on his back and rode off into the sunset,” butted in Ron.

“Yep.”

“And he’s also been a variety of birds, a lion, a horse, but mainly a bull,” Draco finished.

Luna gave an affirmative smile.

“Have you  _ mated _ ?” There it was, Ron just couldn’t help his immaturity. Even Draco had to giggle.

“No,” said Luna innocently, “We’re courting! He’s only transformed to arrive and leave… or play.”

“Whachu mean… play?” asked Ron still giggling.

“Well, last time we had a picnic and he was a little goat for about half an hour, basically headbutting me, jumping over rocks and logs and generally gambolling.”

Draco let out a laugh, “So when a guy jostles, flicks and generally annoys a girl he gets told off, but in goat form it’s adorable? I need to study harder to be an animagus. Come on, break’s over, let’s get back.”

“Gambolling,” grinned Hermione. Only this mysterious Theophile could get away with gambolling as a seduction.

  


**-2-**

“Luna, what do you know about Greek names?” 

Hermione was positively conspiratorial over her coffee.

“Not much really, aside from dad’s. I think he said it meant strange friend? Or stranger friend?”

“Close enough. Did you look up what Theophile means?”

“No, should I?”

“I already did,” Hermione replied smugly, “Theos… divine… godly… a deity… Philos, or like your dad Philius, friend or friendly… or beloved. Theophile is derived from that.”

“Ohhh,” said Luna, taking a sip, “that’s a bit glorious.”

“Do me a favour, Lu. Next time you see him, ask him about Zeus. Also, you might find this enlightening.”

With that, Hermione got up and pressed a brightly coloured muggle tome titled  _ 100 Greek Tales and Myths _ into Luna’s hands, knowing she would love the full colour illustrations.

“Zeus? What’s that?” Luna asked as she put on mittens, one purple, one red and white.

“ _Who_ is that,” Hermione replied, wiggling her eyebrows, “ _ Who _ .”

  


**-3-**

“How’s the name change going, Lulu?” asked Draco.

Luna rolled her eyes.

_ Must be bad _ , thought Ron. Luna was usually so guileless that an eye roll really made him sit up.

“I think the Minister has finally boxed enough ears and gotten enough votes on  _ Department of Magical Communities and Entities _ ,” she huffed.

“It’s a far cry from  _ Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures _ ,” cheered Hermione, “It’s going to be great!”

Draco couldn’t help himself, “I really preferred my suggestion of  _ Department of Research and Registration of Everything Greater and Lesser Magically Inclined other than Witches and Wizards Except Plant-based Entities and Self-Aware Objects _ .”

Hermione slapped him on the thigh. 

“You want all the departments to have longer names so your dividends on the ink market will increase,” she huffed.

Ron pulled his chair in a bit closer, smirking, “So, did you name drop ‘Zeus’ Luna?”

Hermione had lent Ron and Draco the same book, but deliberately excluded Harry and Ginny. Harry was too uptight about anyone with what he deemed “too much power” and Ginny… well, Ginny already had 34 names on her free pass list and they all felt Harry should be spared yet another month-long badgering session to add a 35th name.

“I did.”

Luna. Candid and guileless. But were her eyes twinkling for a second?

Ron looked a little green - he was thinking about Luna wrapping her graceful arms around a bull neck while a big hairy pair of bull bollocks swayed in the breeze.

Draco on the other hand looked a little aroused. He really enjoyed the book. He was imagining Hermione as a fleeing wood nymph, fluttering diaphanous green robes, ivy and flowers entwined in her hair, him a lustful satyr, all brawn, earthiness and sex, trapping her pretty face finally against a tree between his horns. “You think these horns are hard,” he’d whisper evilly.

“So do you call him Zeus now?” asked Hermione.

“Oh no, it’s still Theo. He’s incognito when he comes down here,” came the serious reply.

“Do you know,” Draco said teasingly, “you take the older man thing to a whole new level, Lu.” 

Hermione rolled her eyes.  _ Here we go again _ .

“Well, Mione. Snape was, like, double your age,” Ron said, matching Draco’s grin.

“It was only a crush. Get over it! Like, a million years ago.”

“Well, that’s it, as I was saying… Luna’s dating a guy who’s possibly a million years old,” Draco finished, enjoying himself too thoroughly.

“It’s been a while,” Ron coughed, turning to Luna, “is he gunna make an honest woman of you?”

“That’s so outdated, Ron,” groaned Hermione. Her eyes were rolling, of course.

“Did you even read the book, Weasley?” asked Draco, knowing anyway that Ron would miss the point even if he read every word. “The gods only come here for fun. What would a god do with a mortal bride anyway?”

“It suits me,” piped Luna. Now that was  _ interesting _ , but when they all thought about it Luna getting married to a wizard was the thing beyond belief. Getting jiggy with a god of Olympus? Seemed more right somehow.

“I don’t have time for a full time partner,” she continued, “work is really busy. I mean reallllly. He only shows up every few months for a couple hours. Perfect.”

Hermione was still distracted, trying to picture Luna making love to anyone still single that they knew. The only remotely right fit was Gabrielle Delacour. Hermione felt herself go pink as she pictured Luna and Gabrielle disrobing each other, Gabrielle with her otherworldliness. It only worked because of the Veela thing. Anyone else? Nope, no normal person made sense. Each imaginary coupling she came up with was about as sexy as an ice cream and cheese sandwich.

“Are you going to have kids?” Draco asked. Hermione narrowed her eyes at him, and he glanced knowingly back at her. It couldn’t hurt to weedle his way into becoming godfather of a couple of demigods in the future.

“Actually, he asked me if I’d like that… Do you know not all offspring end up being demigods, though?”

Draco spat out his drink.

  


**-4-**

“Are you going to market those… overalls?” asked Ron, jokingly.

Unfortunately, Luna didn’t get the joke and launched into how three witches and two wizards had already approached her in the street, asking where they could buy one. The overalls were a work of utility and whimsy, catering for everything Luna and Europa did and didn’t need on a day out.

“Are you going to call them Everyalls?” Ron continued, offering a finger to Europa who promptly grabbed it and squeezed.

Europa was gorgeous, dark curly hair, olive glowing skin and seemingly looking and swatting at things no one else could see.

“Was it a white bull that time?” Draco murmured as he leaned across to boop Europa’s nose.

“Huh?” quirked Ron, just as Luna said, “Yep.”

  


**-5-**

A year later Luna had Leda. She was as pale as Luna and hair that was dead straight and snowy white. Even her lashes were.

“Swan,” guessed Hermione.

“And he stayed that way,” came the simple reply.

But then Luna turned intimately to Ron and hissed, “We  _ mated _ .”

Draco laughed until tears came out of his eyes.

  


**-6-**

Luna felt three was enough. 

“I’ve never seen Xeno so happy,” Hermione intimated, thinking back to how withdrawn he’d been even a couple years after the war.

Luna was in agreement, “He’s loving being grandpappy.”

“You’re a sweet thing, Callisto,” cooed Draco, cuddling the newborn.

Ron was outside with Leda in his Everyalls, and Europa at the front of the broom, gliding a metre off ground. Lavender was standing near, yelling, “Slower, Ron!”

“Look what I got you, Callie,” Hermione said as she rustled something from her bag. It was a bear dressed in Ravenclaw robes.

Luna drew Hermione into a hug, “That’s really cute, thank you!”

Callisto had Europa’s dark curls and she tended to growl instead of cry.

“Lavender’s due in three months,” Hermione mused as she waved the bear at Callisto. “She’s going to outdo you, Lu. She told me she wants at least five.”

Draco grinned, “Well, Hogwarts has been lacking a ginger population. It’s high time for a new horde.”

  


**-7-**

“What in Merlin?” cried Hermione.

Luna was shaking off flakes of gold but much of it was still caught in her hat, which disturbingly looked more like a nesting pelican than actual headwear.

Ron's hands suddenly flew up to his hair. “Wochit!” he exclaimed as shiny flakes fluttered into his butterbeer.

“Just drink it, Ron,” groaned Lavender who was heavily pregnant again.

“Blame Theo,” explained Luna, still dusting herself.

“Better that kind of golden shower than the other,” whispered Draco into Hermione’s ear. Her mouth sprung into an O and a slap landed on Draco’s thigh.

“Ouch!” he grinned.

Ron shuffled to make room for Luna before asking, “How is Thundernuts?” 

Draco smiled at the nickname Ron had come up with. Ron had finally paid a bit more attention and now had a passing knowledge of Greek mythology.

“He’s good, thanks. He came down to give the girls their true name. Well I think... I’m just going to make it their middle names.”

“What’s that about?” Lavender asked, eyes lighting up. She loved being the first to know. Getting married to Ron hit paydirt because he was best friends with Luna since leaving school. Luna’s dalliance with a god was certainly the most intriguing and exotic news-source out of all the friends Lavender had.

Hermione cupped her face in her hands, leaning on the table. “I think I know where this is going,” she said mysteriously, “Can’t say none of us didn’t notice just how well all three have done in Divination.”

Lavender scoffed. 

“Not a lot of skill required to best Trelawney,” she said with a smile as she noticed Draco nodding in agreement.

“So what names?” prodded Ron, getting Luna back on track since she had put on some purple lensed star glasses and was currently fiddling with a bunny ear headband.

“Atropos for Europa, Clotho for Leda…”

“And Lachesis for Callisto,” smirked Draco. Clever boy.

Ron was confused of course. He hadn’t read that deeply.

“The Fates, Ron,” Hermione stated. She was in her element now and Draco leaned back so he could watch the way Hermione just lit up. If he squinted, maybe he could see whatever aura Luna said was around a person.

“Atropos, Clotho, Lachesis,” Hermione continued, “Past, Present, Future.”

“Don’t read too much into it,” Luna broke in before Hermione could start regurgitating, “Theo said they’re not some iteration of the Fates, just that they have some skills and that he thought it was fitting in that regard. Seer is probably a better description.”

“Still, I hear that Europa has a little more than just “skill”, Luna. That’s quite a plum job she’s fallen into,” Draco countered.

“She’s still in the Department of Mysteries, right?” Lavender queried.

“Yes,” Ron confirmed, “she’s on the project to restore the Hall of Prophecy.”

“Weasley, you don’t look very impressed,” Draco said clasping his hands behind his head, “did you read the memo of what her actual role is?”

“Nah, I’m hardly in the office as is. What’s she doing then?”

Luna beamed as she filled Ron and Lavender in, “She’s recalling the lost prophecies.”

“Yeh,” laughed Hermione, “you know… the ones we broke?”

“Are you serious?” Ron spluttered, “But, even like, how? What?”

“I don’t know,” Luna said, “I’ve asked her what it’s like and she just smiles at me and says ‘trade secrets’.”

“So what’s Leda doing?” Lavender enquired.

“She’s on diplomatic missions as a consultant. She can sense why each party is doing what they’re doing, or why they are asking for certain things.”

“I hear she also has lucrative contracts with some major corporations,” Draco added, “Considered indispensable during high level negotiations and bids.”

“Well that’s a phase hopefully,” Luna murmured, “I’d rather she use her gift for the greater good. Just keep to the Ministry projects.”

“No,” Draco chortled, “you know what she’s up to, Lulu! She’s saving up to build you a Thestral Rescue. I’m sure if you look hard enough you’ll be able to stamp ‘greater good’ on it.”

“Tell Lavender about Callisto, Luna,” called Hermione, “She’s bursting at the seams can’t you see?”

Draco couldn’t wait and broke in, “Short story, Callisto is charging 5 sickles for 5 minutes during lunch times at school. She’s my favourite.”

“Is that why the coin jar seems low?” Lavender asked Ron, looking like she didn’t know whether to be annoyed or tickled. “Is it Hugo or Rose?”

“Or both?” Draco was wetting himself.

Ron was grinning, but trying to look angry as he said, “I bet I know who put that idea into her head.”

“There is only one consummate businessman at this table,” Draco replied without a single drop of humility. Hermione slapped him on the thigh again.

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote this I was having a week-long rant about the multiple changes of names my workplace has had in the last few years, and how every time it changes it affects a whole bunch of little things designed to make me crazy. I felt better making Luna suffer it too.
> 
> The women seduced by Zeus referenced in this story are Europa, Leda, Callisto and Danae. While I don't see any reference to Zeus turning into an animal for Callisto, Callisto ends up being turned into a bear by Zeus's jealous wife. It would have been neater to find a different example, but I like Callisto as a name.
> 
> Thundernuts because Zeus is the God of Thunder. :P


End file.
